Not the three most likely words one would expect to see together…and yet…my life was enriched, no, my life found new meaning, while attending a memoriam of the loss of another’s life.

A few weeks ago I attended a funeral with a friend of mine as “moral support.”  She had lost a friend with whom her relationship began as a business associate.  The woman who passed away was 92 years of age.  Her name was Jo.  I had never met Jo, although I did hear quite a bit about her from my friend over the years.  I knew “of” Jo, and if anyone had told me that when she died I would be attending her funeral, I would have thought, “Really? That’s interesting!”  I mean, seriously, a person doesn’t attend funerals of someone they don’t know, do they?

It felt odd signing the guest book at the funeral of someone I had never met.   Would the family think…”Hmm…Jo never mentioned this woman before.”  But I signed.  I believe that there is power in documentation and the witnessing of such a spiritual event as a funeral, so I signed.  After all, I was indeed a guest at the memorial service.

After signing the guest book, we entered the sanctuary.  A display of photographs and memorabilia honoring Jo was on a table in the front.  We browsed and then selected some seats in the middle, towards the back.  The service began promptly at 2:00 PM.  The sanctuary of the Unitarian Church was more than 3/4 full.  Reverend Elizabeth began and spoke of Jo with such heart, clearly indicating that Jo was not simply a member of the fellowship, but a dear friend as well. 

Typical for a funeral, there were prayers, songs, readings and of course, the Eulogy.  And then came the gold:  “Congregational Sharing.”  One by one, friends got up and told stories of Jo.  Each sharing different details, but the overall message was the same. Jo was kind.  Jo was generous.  Jo changed lives. Jo’s smile felt like a hug. Jo was intelligent. Jo fought for justice.  Jo was talented. Jo loved life. Jo was courageous. Jo was not afraid to do an honest self-assessment and change accordingly.  Jo was involved. Jo will be greatly missed. And Jo will be remembered.

At about this time, I leaned over to my friend, and whispered, “Did Jo and her husband have any children?”  “No,” my friend said.  “I am not sure why, she never told me, she just said they never had any.” 

As I looked around the room and saw the rows and rows of people celebrating Jo’s life, and grieving her death, I felt it was a profound statement that at the age of 92 she still was so active in her social life that her death inspired such an eclectic group of people to gather.  I was tickled inside to see members from the “Rowdy Bridge” Club, Philanthropic Educational Organization, Classic Book Club, Unitarian Church, political organizations, etc…All come together.  Several people stood to say how Jo was their Godmother or step-in Grandmother.  It was truly heartwarming.

My favorite story of all, though, was not one of how she led her life, but it was the one in how she led her death.

The Reverend told of how nearing the end, Jo simply stated, “It’s just getting too difficult to get from point A to point B.”   Rev. Elizabeth also told how the hospice nurse told Jo that she had the power even as she was nearing the end.  Shortly thereafter, Jo took out her oxygen tubes, held them with one hand up to the sky and exclaimed, “I HAVE THE POWER!”  A few hours later, Jo passed peacefully on, surrounded by loved ones.

With certainty, I can say, that Josephine Douglas did not start claiming her power while she was lying on her deathbed, but that she simply ended her earthly journey with the authenticity with which she had always lived!

Taxes.

It has been said that taxes are the only thing as sure as death.

Are they?

What do you get for your taxes in the United States of America?

If we are paying “so much” in taxes, why are we in trillions of dollars of debt?  Who do we owe the debt to? Do you know?

What are you, as an individual, willing to give up to reduce the debt?

• Reduction in Federal or State funded Services?
• Pay more taxes?
• Donate separately and individually to reduce the debt?

We have ALL gotten us here — we have to come together collectively get us out.  This is not someone else’s problem.  It is not the fault of Democrats.  It is not the fault of the Republicans.  Until we quit pointing fingers we will never be able to get into solution mode. 

Boys and girls, each of you must go to your room and don’t come out until you can tell me what YOU did to get us into this situation as a country.  Don’t come out until you can say what “your party” did to get us into this situation as a country.  Stop pointing fingers.  Stop placing blame.  Take personal responsiblity.  What is mine?  Mine is complacency.  I have been complacently living my life; happily raising my children, allowing others to make decisions on my behalf.  I willingly accept accountablity and responsiblity for my choices.  I cannot be angry or place blame when I did not do everything I could do to improve our fiscal, political, or social situation in our country. 

I am so looking forward to the documentary coming out on April 15, 2010, “An Inconvenient Tax.”

Albert Einstein once wrote, “The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. The product of 95 years worth of additions, subtractions, deductions, and exclusions, it has become such a headache that many are calling for it to be drastically simplified or even removed all together.

With a looming fiscal crisis on the horizon, April 15th seems more like a scene from a B-Horror horror movie than a day to contribute to the common good of the nation. Political favoritism, ineffective social programs, and economic manipulations all reveal the need for tax reform. But how can Americans decide the best way to change the income tax when few people even understand the code or the vast extent to which it truly affects the country?

“An Inconvenient Tax” explores the history of the income tax and brings to light the causes of its many complexities. The film follows the tax through wars, economic booms, and some of the most significant presidencies in U.S. history. To help crack the code, the film employs the countrys top economic experts, commentators, and political voices. Noam Chomsky, Steve Forbes, Joseph Thorndike, Mike Huckabee, Charles Rossotti, Dave M. Walker, Neal Boortz, Michael Graetz, Daniel Shaviro, Leonard Burman, and others discuss not only the problems America faces in the tax code, but also give valuable insights on how to move forward.

Finally, the film gives a voice to the creators of several tax reform solutions who claim to have found a better way. In a time when many Americans are concerned about the future of the economy, rising deficits, and unfair tax treatment, An Inconvenient Tax provides a crucial, honest look at the income tax. For the first time ever, Americans can engage in the tax debate with confidence and perhaps discover a new way to tax.

With the H1N1 flu “pandemic” the hand sanitizer industry has flourished, even in the face of a weakend economy.

Everywhere I go I see hand sanitizer.

• The grocery store checkout
• Meat department (eww…thank goodness!)
• Wipes at the cart-pick-up-place
• Doctor’s offices
• Public restrooms next to the hand soap
• Department store checkout counters
• Hospital hallways

Personally, I am thrilled.  I have been all about anti-bacterial hand-sanitizer since I first learned about it.  I am a germophobe for sure.  When my kids have friends over, and they want snacks, everyone has to wash their hands.  We pour food from the bags or boxes into individual bowls for snacking.

All. The. Time.

It makes me happy to have hand-sanitizer provided for me when I’m out.  But here’s the deal:

I have yet to see hand sanitizer in ANY eating establishments.  Not one. Seriously.  If anyone has, I welcome comments and even pictures — I would be happy to post pics on my blog.  How cool would it be to have a dispenser at each table to sanitize your hands?  Super cool, that’s how cool.  A new industry is born! Hand-sanitizer dispenser for use at the tables of restaurants!  Or, what about as you are being seated, just as you walk into the restaurant — would this be offensive to you to see this as you walk into a restaurant?

In finer dining establishments the server could bring around a gold-plated hand sanitizer dispenser and offer each party at the table some anti-bacterial sanitization.

Instead, we are left to our own devices to figure out how to address the sticky situation of using hand-sanitizer at the table.  WWEPD??? (What Would Emily Post Do?)

Months ago I was watching “The View” when the women were discussing this very topic.  Several of the ladies thought it was rude to pull out a bottle of hand-sanitizer at the table.  Another said that not only does she clean her hands at a restaurant, but she also uses the sanitizer on her silverware!

What do you think? What is appropriate hand-sanitizer etiquette?  Would you be offended if your eating companion pulled out a bottle at the table?

Personally, the only thing I would think would be rude, is if my friend pulled out a hand-sanitizer bottle, used it, and put it away without offering me some.  Right?

Funny title, and yet, I can’t take credit for it.  I do, however, wish I could give credit where credit is due…it was a line I overheard when my kids were watching cartoons and none of us can recall which one it was.

Regardless…it’s true.  How many times has someone come up to you and complained about something and you really just don’t want to hear it?  Or what about the life-changing event that you care about but could read about it so much quicker than listening to the story? My personal least-favorite is hearing someone tell, or rather, re-tell the story line from a book or movie.  (If I wanted to know the story I would have gone to the movie or read the book myself.) But that’s just rude, isn’t it?

How would it come across to say, “Oh, I really want to hear this…but I am short on time…could you blog about it and send me the link?”

I admit.  It would be quite rude.  But beyond that, I think in the end I would cheat myself.  The exchange of information between two people is about much more than data transfer.  It builds a bond between two people to connect emotionally while exchanging something of value verbally.

With our technologically advanced society, are we losing the personal touch in our relationships?  Even in the casual exchanges between strangers, we can become enriched by the exchange of the energy between us, as much as being edified by the info shared.

Something to think about….or blog about, as the case may be.

As a young parent the demands on your time are insane!  While my youngest child is 13 (eek….14 in a week!) I remember all too well the non-stop days of diapering, cooking, cleaning, reading, rocking, singing, refereeing, time-out-ing, time-in-ing, bathing, dressing, teaching, playing, block-building, washing, folding, ironing, (yes.  ironing.) shopping, cooking, listening, talking, yelling, explaining, bandaging, cuddling, teeth-brushing, face-washing, hair-brushing, cooking, baking, picking-up, organizing…and that was just in one day. 

Really, there is no way to possibly do it all.  Whoever says she can is LYING. Well, I take that back.  Whoever says she can, and do it all and do it WELL, is LYING.  The exhaustion merely from mustering the patience to parent all day was overwhelming.  When I was faced with a decision between two tasks — I would ask myself, “Could I pay someone else to do this?”  If the answer was “Yes” then it went to the bottom of the list.  An example of that would be ironing. (yes. ironing.)  Could I pay someone else to iron?  Of course I could.  Would I?  That might be a different answer, but I could if  I were so inclined. 

At another time, the decision in choosing might be reading to my child.  Could I pay someone else to read to my child?  Well, not in my book (no pun intended, until I re-read this, and I left it in, so now, pun intended).  To me, snuggling my little one on my lap and reading to him was priceless…so, the answer was, “No” — okay, to the top of my list goes reading to my child. 

The reality of my life has been that I rarely have had extra money to pay anyone to do anything listed above.  Occasionally I would treat myself to dropping off all the laundry at the “$1.00 per pound wash and fold” laundromat.  Heaven it was!  But most of what I have done as a parent, whether as a single-mom, or with a husband, has been either done by me/us, or not done at all.  Because remember, no one can do it all. If she says she can, and claims to do it well, she is LYING. 

This rubric, of sorts, that I used to distinguish what was important in the flood of parenting tasks, was simply a tool I used to try to prioritize my days.  And it worked quite well, if I do say so myself.

The poem below is one of the poems I had on my wall when my babies were little.  Click here  for a printable version suitable for framing.  Or for your fridge.  Or with a thumbtack.  Or tape…oh, you get the idea.

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait ’til tomorrow

For babies grow up, we’ve learned to our sorrow

So go away cobwebs, dust go to sleep

I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep

After about a year into the current economic recession, the bedroom community in which I live started a campaign to “Buy Local.”  The merchants would place on their marquees, “Buy *Local* First.”  While driving around the streets of our quaint little city, I would see banners and signs, “Buy *Local* First.” 

I started looking for reasons to buy locally.  Economics 101 taught me that as a consumer I vote with my dollar.  I wanted reasons to”Buy *Local* First,” but the only thing I could see was the manipulative marketing strategies attempting to coerce me into buying from the local community.  I didn’t see better service in *Local*.  I didn’t see better products in *Local*.  I didn’t even see better prices in *Local.* In fact, quite the opposite. 

I’m all for supporting our neighbors and bonding together for a common cause, but for me, fattening the pockets of an already wealthy community wasn’t a good enough reason to keep me from driving 3 or 4 miles to save 10-50% on items such as groceries, clothing, and entertainment. The dollars I saved by not buying in *Local* were used to support our neighbors down the road who didn’t live in a wealthy community – the ones who couldn’t put food on the table for their families or buy school supplies and coats for their kids.

Quite frankly, I resented the guilt tactics used by the organizers of  ”Buy *Local* First” guised in the name of ”community building.”  Consumers are not here to serve the businesses, the businesses are here to serve the consumers.  The entire campaign left a bad taste in my mouth for buying locally.  I have purposely gone out of my way to not buy locally. (Yea, I am just that kind of person…) Out of curiosity while writing this post, I did a google search and found the website for the “Buy *Local* First” campaign — clicked on the link.  Huh. 

The account is currently not active.

Evidently I am not the only one who wasn’t a fan of the movement.  Good.  If you want my business give me better service, better products and/or a better price.  Earn my dollar and you will have customer loyalty like you have never seen.  There are no shortcuts.  Just be better than your competitors. 

*Local* used in place of the name of the city in which I live to protect the innocent; assuming there are any.

The following is taken from my facebook note on April 23, 2009 — 3:24 AM
(did I mention I am a night-owl?)

In the wee hours of the night I have been searching quotes and scriptures and songs on the subject of “Forgiveness.” Not my normal surfing material, however, earlier today (yesterday?) I had an experience with someone that really made me start thinking.

“What if?” I asked myself. What if I could forgive without anyone else’s behavior changing, without ever receiving acknowledgement for having been wounded, without anyone ever knowing what I have endured in the name of taking the higher road? Yea, so what if….?

I began searching and finding inspiration.

I  found some quotes on Forgiveness and a YouTube video to Lauryn Hill’s “Forgive Them Father.” I haven’t heard it before tonight, and yet. I have listened to it at least 10 times in less than an hour.

Just as I was ready to surrender to the heavy eye-lids that refuse to remain open, I had a flashback.

It was sometime around 2002, at a Barnes & Noble in Colorado Springs, I sat with the author of “Anyway — The Paradoxial Commandments” by Dr. Kent Keith. It was an intimate group. Dr. Keith was an unassuming man. Just telling his story. His words have stuck with me, although at times, they fade…

I copied Dr. Keith’s “Paradoxical Commandments” here for you — because in its simplicity, it sets me on track. The right track. And at this point in my life — I just want to be on the right track — regardless of what anyone else is doing…Enjoy.

The Paradoxical Commandments
by Dr. Kent M. Keith

People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds.
Think big anyway.

People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs.
Fight for a few underdogs anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack you if you do help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway

© Copyright Kent M. Keith 1968, renewed 2001

No Pain – No Gain.  A phrase common in most gyms and with many personal trainers.  Well, here’s a twist on that phrase.  Consider it in the context of eating.  When do you have pain with eating?  When you are too hungry, or when you are too full, right?  If you eat too much food you will gain weight and if you don’t eat often enough, your body goes into starvation mode, and you will gain weight.  Are you with me?  So….No Pain (too full, too hungry) No Gain (gaining weight).  What do you think?

I love clutter.  I really do.  I know I am not supposed to — and maybe I don’t really love the actual clutter but I love what clutter represents.

A living room with toys sprawled around means the house has children who play and laugh.

A messy desk means someone is busy and productive and has no time to stop and clean.

A sink filled with dishes means people have been fed and blessed with nourishment.

A game left out on the kitchen table means loved ones were gathered to play and bond.

Backpacks and jackets and shoes in a trail from the door, through the hallway, to the family room means kids are happy to be home and are ready to relax after a long day out in the “big world.”

Clutter in my home is made by people I love and when I see their clutter it warms my heart.  

And then I yell their names to come and pick it up, just to start the cycle again